Tuesday, June 23, 2009

a new playlist.

these are the current summer faves:

With You, Tonight - Matt Wertz
Wink & a Smile - Harry Connick Jr.
Love Me Tender - Adam Levy/Norah Jones
Beautiful - India Arie
Can't Help Falling in Love - Ingrid Michaelson
You Make Me Smile - Nathan Clark George
Disappear - Gabe Dixon Band
Angel - Jack Johnson
Security - Joss Stone
Your Eyes - Ari Herstand
Love Today - Mika
I Will Possess Your Heart - Deathcab

nothing too new... just loving some oldies.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

relying on words.

i love language.
i love to wield words into exactly the form i wish them to take and create a new combination, a different description, something that fits.

but, lately, i've felt words leave me wanting...

like there is more to be said. more to be written. but the language is lacking.

to compartmentalize and generalize and minimize ideas too grand to be grasped into a structure unfit to hold such weight.

even this does not make sense.

too much time spent within my own head, i think.

when i am overwhelmed, filled with emotion, i whip out my pen and begin to write. i need a release, a way to make sense of what's going on, a method, a plan, just to see my life in words. most often, i write the best stuff when i am overflowing with anger or angst; even elation can bring about a new way of writing.

not today.
not lately.

words just leave me wanting.

Monday, June 15, 2009

agree to disagree

i feel like this has been a theme in my relationships lately...
learning how to get past disagreements and still uphold respect and understanding.

as in most everything, there is a balance.
a balance between listening respectfully and voicing an opinion.
between introducing a new point of view and keeping your mouth shut.

how do you know when is the right time to speak up? and when to be quiet?

i'm not sure. i think i'm still learning.

relationships are messy.

but this i do know...
what is life without the joy, the heartache, the mess of relationships?

nada.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

confessions.

the word "confessions" stirs within me a yearning to know more - almost instantly i feel i need to read on. or listen. whichever. it just sounded like fun today to send these little somethings out into the void. it's refreshing to feel vulnerable from time to time.

these are mine for today:

1. i may or may not have acquired an addiction to running.
2. and also...coffee. i am an absolute beast until i have 2 cups pumping through my bloodstream.
3. i cry all the time. at least once a day. it is only 11:06 am and i already shed a few simply because i heard a song entitled, "you make me smile".
4. i am in love with my own handwriting. conceited as it may be. sometimes i write things just to watch my pen form tidy little words all looped and swirled together.
5. i am a complete klutz. today i broke a giant serving platter. shattered all over the floor and had to throw away all of the apple slices that were once deliciously placed upon this serving platter.

well i need to be back in the kitchen in negative 1 minute... i'm sure i'll find more to confess later.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

run.

i've never gone this far
my legs carried me
pumping blood and pounding and floating by
i forgot what i was doing and just ran

a horse ran beside me
this is true

and i finished so fast
like a kid
on the way to the greatest thing in the world.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

"no matter what you pay"

working at camp this summer...
the pay is not exactly ideal.
but i don't think i'd trade it for anything.
where else is doing the dishes actually fun?

i've been spending my days mopping floors, making potato salad & giant batches of granola, reminiscing, filling/being filled in on new news, and singing plenty of show tunes (with revised lyrics).

no longer am i dwelling on 8 page papers due tomorrow and overdue library books.
grades are in. books are sold. my brain is on break.

and i love it!

however....
there are a few things i miss.
they are as follows:
my roommates.
my soulmate.
my boyfriend.
my professors. (weird, i know)
the kids at work.
my housekeeper.

i guess that's all. and none of those are actually "things". all people.
i love my people.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

messy.


i moved home for a few weeks this summer.
between school ending and the summer job beginning, i had some time to kill.
and no money to burn.

my home is messy.
i have 3 younger sisters here putting on make-up, cooking breakfast, showering, blow-drying, changing 16 times, all at the same time.
my mom runs an at-home day care.
every day is chaos.

and despite my tidy tendencies...
i still love it.

there is no substitute.
nothing can compare.

to a great big love in the midst of a mess.