why not?

What five words best describe you? Creative, busy, compassionate, competitive (as much as i hate to admit it) & studious.
What's your proudest achievement? At this point in my life, I'd say sticking with college. It's been a long-ish road & I've considered giving it up at several points in time. It is not in my nature to stay in one place for very long, but I've been trying to remember the great reward of receiving a full degree, the ability to hold a great teaching position which I will be qualified for - and be darn good at!
Who inspires you? Kids. They are just the funniest, warmest, most genuine things on the earth. And my husband. Who is also funny, warm & genuine. :-)
What are you passionate about? Kids. Ha. And literature. Language. Communication. (Good thing I'm headed off to be an English teacher, huh?)
What's the best lesson you've learned? To love unconditionally. I think Jesus taught me this one. And my mom.
Which person, living or dead, would you most like to meet? Hmm...Brother Lawrence - the guy who wrote The Practice of the Presence of God. I think we would get along.
What are you excited about? My husband coming home. Making potato soup tomorrow. Getting into the elementary school & spending some quality time with the kiddos. The books we're going to read in Post-Colonial Lit. this semester.
What's next? Directly - dishes, reading, putting clothes away & bed. In terms of my life in general - finishing school, reevaluating our lives and deciding where to go & what to do.

P.S. The picture of an apple has nothing to do with anything in this post. I just thought it seemed nice.

a theory

had another school day today & lunch with some of my favorite girls at our favorite place. so, life is good.

although january has been kind of a toughie. christy says we should just start the new year over in february and i agree. turning over a new leaf should bring about a certain optimism, i think. a lightness even in the turning. not this time around.

while driving to & from school, i have time to spin ideas around in my head. sometimes the quiet calms my soul. sometimes i think i might be just nuts.

i think this time of year can be a difficult one. not just for me. i think for a lot of people. it causes me to wonder, what keeps some trudging through the every day while others break free? what is the difference? would the same circumstance in different people bring about the same reaction or do the inherent characteristics divide the persevering from the lost?

i have a theory. i think at our very core as human beings, there is integrity. in every man & woman. and when one has grasped the weight of their own goodness, their duty perhaps to strive for what is right, perhaps they gain a glimpse of what is beyond self.

does this make sense?

that we are not alone. all interconnected. and important. and doing something.

although it is difficult to see when one is in the middle of it all...

on occasion, i will say out loud something true. something i have not previously stated to anyone else, but knew without articulating. this happened to me last night. it's a frightening thing, yet freeing. i believe in truth. i believe you know when you strike it. even by accident.

i'm learning again.

just completed my first class of the spring semester. it might be a toughie, but i'm looking forward to a challenge.

speaking of challenges... it took me 15 minutes to walk to class this morning...and so i was late. i hate being late.
crutches + snow + ice = not a good situation.

hoping to be off the dang things by next week. hoorah!

things i'm looking forward to about being back at school:
1. uniq cuisine. yum.
2. access to printers. to print my stuff. on real paper.
3. being surrounded by books.
4. being surrounded by other people learning.
5. bumping into people i know. a small-town girl can miss this when moving to a new city.
6. brand spankin' new mini notebook for assignments, binders, loose leaf paper, shiny folders, rolling ball pens, & mechanical pencils. jason does not understand my fascination with school supplies, but i can't help it. i love them.
7. the library. mmm.
8. and also the coffee shop. double mmm.

tuesday. tuesday.

waking up in pain.
the hole in my heart just aching. missing my husband so much it hurts.
empty house.
getting started. slowly.

busy last day at school.
observing. writing. watching. learning.
great kids.
great teachers.
looking forward to my life-work.

do something. anything.
keep your hands busy.

and the sound of an opening door - i run & it's him.

the goodness of home being exactly where my heart is.

snow day one million.

This is the most bizarre winter i have ever experienced. Global climate change - I'm a believer.

On one hand - I will not be able to fulfill the required amount of hours for my J-term class...

On the other hand - I will be able to be incredibly productive at home today. My mobility on the stupid bum ankle is improving and I'm really really excited about it.

Planning on:
laundry.
cleaning the whole stinkin' house.
writing a 5 page paper.
making a pot o' chili (veggie style).
then, maybe reading a bit.

Over the weekend I was actually able to leave the house, improving my mood/attitude/entire perspective on life tremendously. We went to the step-grandparents-in-law (is this an actual term? i don't know), and it was just lovely! They are really the sweetest people, great conversationalists, and are allowing Jason & I to stay at their condo in Cali. for our honeymoon - yay!
We also went grocery shopping (less exciting on most scales - but i was thrilled none-the-less). Jason & I are transitioning to a more organic/vegan lifestyle. Looking for what is available here in Iowa is definitely making things interesting.

Yesterday, I was able to have one last afternoon with my sister, Kate. She is leaving for NYC to study art for the semester. We ate Mexican w/the fam., watched the Vikings lose, and then cried a little bit. For the Vikings. And each other.

Now, we're starting a new week. I'm determined to persevere & maintain a positive attitude. And love unconditionally. And make some darn good meals sans sour cream & cheese. (Pray for me!)

so. it's saturday.

i'm planning on staying right here on the couch - ankle elevated & iced - reading, napping, cuddling & planning out the next week.

exciting day.

finished 'oscar wao' - on to 'let the great world spin' by colum mccann. jason & i get stuck at the new arrivals shelf every time we go to the library and haven't seemed to make it much past that point as of yet. but, they've got a great selection, so why the heck not? really.

classes start again this week. regular classes, that is. i've spent this month observing/helping out/teaching little bits at the middle school here & have definitely loved it. seventh grade is a tough age - i didn't think i would be able to put up with the flurry of hormones & uncontrolled behavior - but for some weird reason, i really love the kids. they're hilarious. and still get excited about what they're learning. which is a rare thing past 12 or 13 years old.

i've got one kid who offers to walk me out to my car every single day because he's worried i'll slip on the ice with my crutchies (a legitimate fear). he told me the other day as he was walking me past an icy patch that last winter he sprained his ankle & then ended up in a wheelchair because he fell on the ice and broke his other one. i asked him to please not tell me things like that while i'm hobbling on the ice.

well, that's all for now. i'm off to lounge - with the tick tick tick of ice against the window - safe inside. thank you, Jesus.

books

my nerdy husband & i have been addicted to the library as of late - which is a wonderful thing to be addicted to.

we're sifting through literature like nobody's business & loving everyday. an ice storm is currently pelting our windows & i'm praying for a snow day to finish 'the brief, wondrous life of oscar wao' by junot diaz. it took a little while to get into - the language is daunting, but now i'm in the oscar zone & can't tear myself away. i'm surprised i'm even blogging right now. jeez.

recently finished:
'a million miles in a thousand years' - donald miller (& LOVED it)
'no promises in the wind' - irene hunt (with the 7th graders)
'old yeller' - fred gipson (also with the 7th graders)

i started 'two from galilee' by marjorie holmes & 'remember the sweet things' by ellen greene but couldn't finish either one. guess i'm in the mood for something a little more gritty.

--------------------------------
in other news - i went to the doc. & my ankle is sprained. the husband was right (this is his favorite thing for me to say). & i'm on crutches now, but should be walking soon. i hope. because my armpits are starting to hate me.

as for my attitude - it's not easy. sometimes i would love nothing more than to lay in bed & cry all day. but i just can't let myself. there are so many things i can't control - i am choosing to greet each day with a smile. whether i feel like it or not.

klutz. continued.

last night, at the y, i fell.

doing nothing cool, like kicking butt in basketball or playing a vicious game of racquetball. no. nothing cool like that.

i was shooting some hoops on the mini basketball things with the husband & i'm so terrible, my ball went flying out of the little cage. so, i scrambled after it, slipped on a wet bit of slickery floor and down i went.

and sat there on the floor cringing, wincing, flinching in pain until i squeeked out a little "jas" and he came running to my rescue, of course. & carried me, my whole self, all the way out to the car. he is my hero.

today... i've been holed up in the house, hobbling about on one foot because my left ankle is approximately the size of texas. (note - it is amazing how many things i take for granted as a two-footed person. try going up & down stairs on one foot. or putting water in the ice cube tray and bringing it over to the freezer. or getting into the bathtub. jeez. that one was a toughie.)

jason says it's sprained (i think it's broken, but i have a tendency to believe i'm going to die after pretty much any minor accident).

i've been going through a little rough patch as of late & today i decided to get over it. i've been crying and sobbing & i just realized that the only thing i have control of, is my attitude.

everything else is out of my hands.

so, i'm going to laugh & kiss & cook & love, regardless of whatever else comes my way.

a list of favorites.

for the present time

- an unconditionally loving husband - who is strong when i fall to pieces
- sisters
- "better man" - james morrison
- new clicky sharpie pens
- 7th graders - they are hilarious
- coffee (i think this is on any list of favorite things i make. always.)
- plaid reading chairs
- pineapple pizza - on the menu for this evening - mmm mmm
- a million miles in a thousand years - donald miller
- oatmeal - wow - i love it
- carrying a teacher tote - stocked w/extra pens, nalgene, kleenex, tic tacs, granola bar, id, & notebook - i'm not quite sure why, but i think it's fun to carry extra things around with me. just in case.

animal house.

we started volunteering today.

this was jason's idea. not mine. and he's just so darn cute & responsible & cares about the common good & such, that i could not disagree.

so, we woke up before the sun & headed off to people for pets, the local animal shelter. we shoveled poop & mopped up kennels, played with the kitties & walked 2 of the more rambunctious dogs out in the freezing cold.

it was lovely.

we can't wait to go back.

and we saw chili there! chili (named for the freezing cold weather & also what we had for supper the night we met him) lived in our garage for a couple days...
now i am not a cat-lover. in fact, i'm probably a cat-hater.
but, it was so cold and he looked so sad outside. so, i let him in the garage while jason was in the shower, & i made a little bed out of old towels & our recycling boxes & set out some crispex cereal & soy milk (because what cat doesn't love crispex & soy milk?)

but, this was not to last...jason let chili back outside.
and then i let him back in.
and then jason picked him up and carried him outside & said no, we cannot keep him.

one of our neighbors found him later & brought him to the shelter (i, the cat-hater, nearly cried). but, i am happy to say now he is healthy & being cared for by a wonderful staff of volunteers.

looking forward to returning to the animal house - love.

snow day 3.

can you believe it? 3 snow days. this is amazing. i did not even know it was possible to have this much free time.

and i feel like my back is in about 1 million pieces due in large part to the ridiculous spill in the street the other day & also spending 2.5 hours shoveling the snow out of our driveway. (a snow blower is going on my christmas list for next year - i don't care that scooping snow is good, old-fashioned, healthy exercise)

and... excellent news... the husband is snowed in with me! yes!

he made it home in the treacherous weather yesterday, attempted to get to work this morning, but got stuck in a snow drift! hooray! and after some guys pushed him out, he came right back home to me.

we have spent our day reading, drinking coffee, working out (well, he worked out. i watched. ha!) grocery shopping and then making delicious food with our new groceries. my life is so good i cannot even stand it.

tonight on the agenda: movies. popcorn. more cooking. more eating. and a whole lot of cuddling.

i think i am improving on the wifelyness dilemma, if you wish to term it a dilemma. more of a perplexity, as jason likes to say.
i've thought about it quite a bit.
jason & i talked about it for a long time.
and i talked to my mom.
and then i thought about it some more. and i've decided the best idea, is just to be myself. it seems pretty ordinary, but i think it's the thing to do. jason loves me. just ordinary me. so, i think i'm going to work on going back to me.

that's partially why the blogs have started up again with a bit more regularity.
that and all this stinkin' free time. but blogging helps me remember who i am. who i used to be. who i want to become.

i think that's important.

another...

snowed in for yet another full day all to myself.

all this time for self-reflection, you would think i would be growing as a person or something. i'm not sure that i am.

i did manage to fill the time yesterday.
i did not mop.
i didn't feel it was necessary.

but i did go to the y. so, go me.

and i started "a million miles in a thousand years" by donald miller & i might just finish a full book cover to cover for the first time in months. (and i call myself an english major...seriously)

today will be an adventure i think. i'm on a mission to find some black shoes & a black belt. and also shovel the driveway. which at this point looks more like the arctic than iowa.

did i mention i'm an official resident of iowa now? i have license plates & everything. my minnesota heart only cried a little as i screwed them on my little vehicle.

the husband will be home this afternoon (hopefully - i'm praying) & i can't wait.

alrighty, off to battle the arctic!

snow day.

my first day with the kids & we have a snow day...

i'm not quite sure what i'll do with my afternoon/evening...

i've been trying to think of some things to fill in the time

(the hubby is working. the bestie is in jamaica. & roads are not exactly ideal for traveling)

here's what i've got:
1. grocery store. i'm sure i need something.
2. library. i forgot to put the dvd back in the case before i returned it. oops.
3. read?
4. make some more food? like a giant pot of soup & outrageous chocolate chip cookies aren't quite enough for me.
5. ymca. ugh. not in the mood.
6. bubble bath. the pipes are still leaking onto the kitchen floor, but that's what a mop is for - right? oh, that's another thing.
7. mop.

that might fill up a few hours. we'll see!

peace & love & trying to be grateful for so much time on my hands.

klutz.

last night,i fell down the stairs.

this morning, i slipped on the ice in the middle of the street.
and yes, there were cars passing by.
and i lost my shoe.

i am normally a klutz, but the amount of time i've spent on the ground in the last 12 hours seems to be a little extravagant even for me.

in other news:
i begin supervised participation tomorrow - spending the month of january with 7th graders. i can't wait, actually.

we bought a house plant. a philodendron. just in case we were not domestic enough before... it's official now.


i am also having quite the time trying to figure out what exactly i'm doing. or what i'm supposed to do. i'm not very good at this wife thing, i don't think. or maybe it's just that i haven't established what it's going to look like in our relationship. how i'm going to fulfill my role (what does this even mean?), keep my individuality, support my husband, be his partner, his companion, and not his servant girl.
he doesn't even like having a clean house.
which is good news, i think.

ok - well, i'm off - going to continue icing my bruised & swollen hip and ponder the essence of my wifelyness.